Once upon a time, I was “re-focusing”, as per the lovely Lindsay’s almost-Spring challenge.

I set these goals for myself:

• In 10 days, I will visit the gym 6 times.
• I will do yoga twice.
• I will ensure that *some* kind of activity happens each and every day—which means also running and XC skiing.

It was a “no, yes, no”.

I blame my defeat on work—as always—but I think I’m through the very worst of what 2011 has to offer, and I’m going to try again. Same goals, 10 days, let’s see how it goes… and I’m hoping that some very real-life concerns (moving! Heavy lifting!) will get me to commit.

And this week I literally put icing on top of a crappy week: my pledge to bake once the LSAT was done? Well, it took almost a month, but lo, it has beginneth:

On vanilla yellow cake and chocolate cake bases, I made raspberry frosting (dark pink), vanilla (blue), peanut butter (taupe-y brown) and blood orange (pale pink).

It made me SO HAPPY to do, and it made others SO HAPPY to eat. Winning!

And because I’m 100% done with whiny posts, I’m going to leave it on that happy note. Cupcaaaaaaakes! Happy Weekend!

I’ve started 4 different posts this week, but all of them were a bit philosophical and thinky, and I’m mentally exhausted so they’re all shelved until I can give them the proper reflection.

I’ve been distracted this week, which feeds the exhaustion. Stuff just HAS to get done, and when I’m distracted, the energy it takes to focus takes me to the brink. My distraction is still focused on NZ right now.

I’m seriously affected by the earthquake. More than I was for Chile, and I’m not sure why. Is it because I’ve *been* to NZ? Is it because I was *just* there, 10 weeks ago? Is it because I heart NZ? Or is it because these were people *just* like me, who went to work one day and it all stopped?

Add to that the fact that a close Kiwi friend has lost family, and I’m a bit rattled. Focus was hard enough this week, and re-focusing on top of that was nigh on impossible.

Tuesday: nothing. Wednesday: nothing. Could I have squeezed in 30 minutes on either day—or both? In hindsight, probably, but that’s because distraction ate my time. Kath kindly explained that the focus challenge involved shifting awareness and NOT just action, but for me, the awareness has been there for 6 months. I NEEDED this to be about action.

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But I can say this, to leave things on a big positive—yesterday, I planned on hitting the 7.30pm beginning yoga at the new studio where I have my punch card. I had missed real food for lunch (unless Black Forest cake counts as “real food”? ), and when I crawled through my door at 6.20 pm, I was SO READY for nutrients!!

I made two recipes last weekend, which I’ll tell you about in next post. Basically, they were both from Clean Eating magazine (Oxygen mag’s sister publication), and at first, I was massively underwhelmed. One of them needed a LOT of help to be delicious—you’d never think that re-heating soup could take so much extra work! So when I sat down to eat at 6.52, knowing that that was still a bit tight for eating before yoga, I literally paused with the spoon halfway to my mouth: next to me was the yoga schedule, and the beginner class was at 7. NOT 7.30.

Oopsie.

But then I remembered this:

I took this baby out of the library last weekend! And I LOVE Ashtanga, even though I don’t LOVE yoga! I hit my living room, and got through exactly 11 minutes (Series A and B, several times each), when my phone rang and a friend needed some translation help. I helped. We chatted a bit, I washed dishes, and then, I was hit with a wave of exhaustion and went to bed. It was 9. Which is like noon to a night owl like me, but I went with it.

I woke up this morning and can DEFINITELY feel my practice, even if it was almost ridiculously brief. That actually makes me feel good that my I-love-a-challenge self didn’t hit the WHOLE video!! So I’m counting it for the re-focus as 1 of my 2 yogas (and I think I’ll do more today!!), and hoping I’m back on the horse again after a sketchy re-focusing week.

In other wonderful news…

The inimitable Kristina of Spabettie has been nominated to be a featured blog on the Women’s Health site!! If you love Spabettie as much as I do (and who wouldn’t?!), then please lend her your support here:

I’m 100% Team Spabettie!! Are you?

It’s downright un-Canadian, I’ll admit it, but I don’t like The Hip†.

Therefore, I’m not going to link you to Youtube, where you can listen to them since “Courage”. Sure, the lyrics from “Courage” make up this post’s title, but still. I just can’t!

Instead, let me moan about what it refers to:

Today is Day 2 of the Re-Focus, and the first day I’ve been in the office since making this commitment. And lo, enter the Hip lyrics: focusing AWAY from work and ON exercise is SO solid, I’ve only been trying for 6 months to do it, but then one day in the office reminds me why I have not yet succeeded.

There were tears.

Twice.

Neither case were mine.

Sigh.

So as I try to reel in from commitments at work to focus on me, I see the ripple effect all around me. I see the carnage of mangled young psyches, of young people who have made mistakes and mis-managed themselves, and I’m meant to guide them through.

So while I’m definitely committed to 10 days, that’s because I know I’ve done far worse for much longer, and I *know* I’m about to kiss goodbye some good sleep. WHENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN will I just learn to say no? It’s too late now, mind you, but last November, when I got into all this over-extension at work… WHY DIDN’T I JUST SAY NO?

End rant.

A big woot for me this morning: I’m excited to report that my alarm went off at 5.30, and a string of profanities ensued.

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Well, that’s not what’s exciting. What’s exciting is that in spite of everything in me saying “dude. Just sleep for 2 more hours, and all will be well…“, I. Got. Up. I met Holly for a 1-hour ski. During this time, I regaled her with stories of my LSAT tragedy, and she told me about her cat passing away. Then, we went upbeat: she told me about the excitement of buying a new car, so that her 17-year-old daughter is less embarrassed by the parents now, and I told her exactly where, anatomically speaking, the hip flexors connect in the abs. I phrased this as a question:

“Holly, did you know that your hip flexors attach in your abdomen? It’s true. And I know it because it’s an anatomical fact, but also because I can point out *exactly where* thanks to yesterday’s run.”

Yeah, I’m feeling it, and it’s Day 2. But honestly—I’m feeling *something* most days, and this is by far the very best pain I could have hoped for.

Will I sound like a suck-up if I thank Lindsay again for this challenge? Or if I thank Kath for roping me in?

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Worse still, will you even *believe* me after my complaining?!?

A quick one from the “I-jumped-the-gun” files, too: my skin got progressively worse yesterday, and is ever-so-slightly like a relief map now. It’s a bit itchy, but this is still HUGELY better than before. So maybe a monthly flirtation with swimming things is a good re-entry into fish for now…

If it coulda been a flirtation with a swimming thing of a human variety, now, well… that couldn’t have come at a *better* time.

[†Disclaimer! I actually *do* like this Hip. It brings me right back to my youth. ]

So! Kath has suggested I try Lindsay’s Focus Challenge. I truly can’t imagine why…

This has come at a good time for me—I was in a phase of “just get through the LSAT”, and now I’m in a phase of “just get through this project at work”. But the hinge is a great place to mix things up, right?

I’m pretty focused on what the next 8 weeks hold: I’ve got to push through until the middle of April, at which point I’m going to move the first half of my stuff down to the Lower Mainland (Squamish, probably, since I think storage will be cheaper there than in Van, and since I’m not going to know what my future holds, it’s an ideal middle ground…). Then, I come back and muscle through May, and come 31 May, I will no longer be a resident of the Hinterlands, nor semi-anonymous on my blog. Woot!

And I have a goal right now… I’ve decided that I need to be in the same physical shape when I finish my job as when I started—not just for vanity’s sake (though that would be good, too! ), but also because with a move comes heavy lifting, and I own a LOT of books. I’ve got to be in great shape by April!! So my re-focus is on the physical—also because it’s WAY to much to hope to recover the sanity lost. Heh.

(random image of my new soapstone penguins, thanks to Patti—LOVE!—and, strangely, my snap pea snack as well…)

My diet is pretty good (a few places can definitely be cleaned up); where there’s work to be done is in terms of my exercise regimen.

If you’re counting, I’m at 17 workouts towards my cardigan. BOOOO! There’s not a ton of winter left, either, so I can’t just put all my hopes on XC skiing. Instead, for my “re-focusing”, I’m getting back into the gym! Not only is this a re-focus, but it gets me closer to my cardigan and bigger goals, too!

Officially, for the Focus Challenge, this is what I’m going with:

• In 10 days, I will visit the gym 6 times.
• I will do yoga twice.
• I will ensure that *some* kind of activity happens each and every day—which means also running and XC skiing.

Work is both an excuse and a plague for my current physical shape—and considering I just had a long meeting with two underlings and instructed them to “learn to do the best you can within time limits”, that’s going to be applied to me, too—rigid scheduling really does help me for that!

So: thanks, Kath and Lindsay for the great idea, and I hope that Alina will come along, too! I know you’re in a state of change in your life, too, so would you like to play re-focus with us, Alina?