In my old life, a typical weekend would involve work. Baking. Watching Euro-movies on my laptop in the background. Lather, rinse, repeat.

In my new life this weekend, there was work… there was A LOT of baking. There was watching Euro-movies on my laptop in the background. AND THEN… there was a baptism?

One of these things is not like the others, I KNOW, but do you remember this?

When I arrived in Calgary at the end of October, the little bean had grown to this:

And now, she’s a WHOLE KID! In honour of her jettisoning her original sin this weekend, by mom’s request, I baked a vanilla cake with lemon curd and vanilla bean frosting that read, “Yay yay, Sia’s baptised today”, and then 12 cupcakes with a lemon centre and 12 plain vanilla—all with a baby foot on them. I did it because Sia’s a baby (and has feet), but the more religious amongst us preferred to see something divine in the decoration. I was told not to ask, lest the conversation devolve into politics. (!!)

ANYWAY: for my new best friend, Sia, I spent a ton of hours in my new kitchen (which I haven’t learned to love yet)—but I will do anything for my best friend. She’s that awesome, at just 5 months old…

and it’s her party, so she can pick at the fondant if she wants to… (ick, baby! Please don’t eat it!)

I *love* this kid. Funniest, most easy-going bébé I’ve ever seen. Currently the best person I know.

So I guess my life is kinda the same, but long live the differences!

So, because my tiredness makes me not leave the house in the mornings, I’m here when the maid comes. She usually brings her son with her, whom, sometimes, I play with. He’s just learned to walk, and currently stumbles like a drunk man, prefers playing with the recycling than his toys, and spends a disproportionate amount of time under the laundry rack. I think all kids like a fort.

He’s my Brazilian boyfriend these days—we babble to each other lots—him, because he can’t speak yet, and me, because he’s one of the few who understands me as well in English as in Portuguese, which is to say “not much, no matter what.”

How cute is he?

And in other news (but not the “bomb” news), tomorrow morning Marcella and I are off to Brasília, the capital of this fine nation, roughly 840km north of São Paulo (525 miles). Thank you Google Maps for the map—SP is A and Brasília is B.

It’s going to be hot and dry, I’ve been told, and I’m slightly concerned with what I’m going to eat. The only reason I get vegetables and food with nutrients outside of picanha is because *I* control the grocery shopping here. I’m super-happy to be going, but… pray for me and my nutrition.

I asked Marcella what I could bring her parents—wine? Flowers? She said flowers because her parents don’t drink wine. Of course, I have a 2 hour flight, and I’m not sure how well this will go in transit. Then she said “or, you can bake something for them there!” And then she said, “no, they’re not really set up for baking. Do it here.”

I began test driving a recipe this morning after answering the “What to make?” question with “banana something”. Because we have lots and I didn’t eat them this week—I was too busy eating 3 heads of lettuce, 14 carrots and 3 mangoes from the market last weekend. Oy.

But my normal Nanny Bread recipe is on the healthier side—replacing the butter with yogurt and extra bananas, and I thought, “well, maybe normal people *like* fat in their baking”. So I tried the Joy of Baking’s recipe from here.

And lo, the result:

I’m underwhelmed. They’re anaemic, as I said, and because I reduced the sugar they’re not too sweet, but still. YAWN.

I think the beveled edge of Marcella’s baking pan makes a prettier baked good than the normal North American rounds, no?

But I’m back to the YAWN factor… Help a girl out:

What’s your favourite banana bread / muffin recipe?

And in BIG NEWS for today… it seems that there was a communication difference when I was given my offer from the language school. We’re talking about one of those kinds of “did you say “17″ or “70″?” kind of differences. And in actual fact, what the school pays is SO LOW that I *might* have been able to afford groceries each month, but no eating out, no caipirinhas, no ability to pay any kind of rent, no gym, no ability to pay for health care, medication, or clothes, I’d be cutting my own hair, and having to *walk* that 30-40 minute bus ride out to one of the satellite schools… all of which is just IMPOSSÍVEL!

When I got the email response from the woman who offered me the job, clarifying that she would neither be able to pay me what I asked (I asked for R$10 an hour more than they’d offered) nor teach me Portuguese, I actually said, “are you f*cking kidding me?!?” (don’t worry—my boyfriend had gone home). See my list above to understand the necessity of the f-bomb. Seriously, lady! I’m a foreigner—it’s not like I’d be living with my parents and all the money I made would go into my pocket (which is really normal here… people live at home until they get married, usually. ZOUNDS.) WHY did you even think this was feasible?!? Plus, I’m a little bit awesome and I have a PhD and 4 years’ experience teaching in a university, so I’m not going to teach for CAN$10 an hour in the 7th most expensive city in the world—but thanks for the offer!

That takes care of that!

(Andie, I’m again available to help with the Barefoot Nest: we just have to find me somewhere to live first.)

I don’t actually believe that “everything happens for a reason”—I think the universe is random. However, you can definitely learn from every situation, event and person that crosses your path… and in this case, this redonkulousness has taught me one key thing:

I *do* want to work in Brazil for a few years.

Not forever, but I have good friends in SP already—Marcella, Andrea and Ivan, Carol. I love my gym and its atmosphere. I’m stoked to learn the language properly. There are places I really want to visit in South America. I’m ready to move on from my past life and do something completely different—and two months ago, I had more trouble with that idea. I think I was in mourning.

It’s time for Plan B… and that’s my new project right now.

No problem! And if you’ll excuse my silence, I’ll be in Brasília until Wednesday, which might involve some radio silence. Have a great weekend and see you em seguida Quinta-feira!

I don’t even want to talk about this. Same same, but new day. HELL.

Sigh. (PS Kristina: the Eiffel tower is cardboard!)

Now let’s play Q & A.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you food-processed the bejeesus out of the flesh of a green coconut?

I hadn’t. Until Kristina put a bug in my ear.

Have you ever wondered where that expression came from?

I hadn’t. But now that I’m thinking about it, ew. Is *this* the bug?

A HITCHHIKER on my COFFEEMAKER. Giving new meaning to “morning jolt”, indeed.

But the real story is this:

Have you ever wondered if the obliterated flesh of a green coconut is butter or oil?

I hadn’t. The jury is out on whether I’ll take the time to wonder about it now that I’ve made some.

Wanna see?

It started like this… which should be familiar:

(still loving how monkeying with the ISO lets me take pictures in focus…)

Well, I scraped the bugger out:

And what was left after it all looked like lychees. Or maybe even the flesh of a fish.

Blitz-erama… 10 minutes with the mini-food processor and… creamy!

Have you ever wondered how much… coconut butter / oil comes from one green coconut?

I hadn’t, but it’s 3/4 cup. And now you know.

And my last question for tonight:

Have you ever wondered what *lentil* cookies with that same coconut… stuff… would taste like?

I hadn’t. And suddenly I was left with 3/4 cup of coconut… stuff… yet I don’t actually *like* coconut. MUST. HIDE. in BAKING! Since I had lentils on the stove for my lentil burgers, one thing led to another…

Till I had this: Coconut – Oatmeal – Lentil Cookies

Preheat the oven to 375°F / 180°C and in a medium bowl add:

• 1/2 cup coconut butter / oil / stuff
• 1 cup mashed cooked lentils
• 1/3 cup brown sugar

Combine! Then add:

• 1/2 lightly beaten egg (conveniently I used the rest in my lentil burgers)
• 1 tsp vanilla extract

Stir well! Then add:

• 1/2 cup oatmeal
• 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
• 1/2 tsp baking soda

Mix! Until the dry ingredients are absorbed and then include the add-ins:

• 1/4 cup chopped walnuts
• 1/4 cup chopped apricots
• 1/4 cup chopped dark chocolate

Stir! Until the add-ins are distributed. Spoon out into 1″ balls (2.5cm) and drop on a non-stick cookie pan. Bake for 13 to 15 minutes, and cool on a wire rack.

If seventh question had been:

“how can you make a less-sweet oatmeal cookie, including some random ingredients, none of which you’ll be able to taste (coconut and lentils, I’m looking at you…)?”

Well, at least I was curious enough to find an answer to *that*.

(these are very moist, they taste kinda healthy, and really not sweet—if you *want* sweet, I’d suggest increasing the sugar to 1/2 cup and including sweeter add-ins).

This is embarrassing. Earlier this week, I got tagged for the 7 Posts by the inimitable Kristina at Spabettie… and I was wracked with fear. You’d think that asking a blogger to talk about him/herself reflexively should be no biggie—this is partly why we blog, I think—and while I’m happy to tell stories about STUFF, I only had panic about the 7 posts.

For one thing, I don’t know what of my posts have been popular and what hasn’t. I have no idea how to check my traffic. My “incoming links” thing has also been SNAFU’d on my dashboard for awhile, and I can’t fix it. My blog isn’t terribly important to more than my happy little circle of blogger friends—and most of my friends don’t know I’m here / aren’t inclined to read, and I didn’t personally tell much of my family, either: blogging anonymity is OK by me! So I don’t think that the habitual way that the 7 Posts is floating around fits with me.

Instead, I’m going to do this as the 7 Blogger Recipe Posts That I’ve Used the Most. There are so many good foodie blogs out there that this is actually quite arbitrary in the end: so all I did was comb my “Recipes” bookmarks and think about what I used the most before I came to São Paulo and since. These are different things, since I can’t have some of my old faves.

For example, and I mentioned this just last week, HEAB’s protein ice cream is right up there for me. I don’t like the way ice cream feels in my mouth, so protein ice cream was like a summer miracle. LOVE! But since I talked about this one last week, I’m taking it off my 7s list. What’s left, deliciously, wonderfully, magically, are the following…

(I’m doing this with images by way of screen shots of peoples’ blogs, and if this is a problem for anyone, email me right away and I’ll yank it down.)  (extreme.balance.blog@gmail.com)

1. The Sandwich of My Dreams, and I Don’t Really Dream of Sandwiches Normally

I have no words for this perfection. No words. It is perfection.

(image courtesy of Spabettie’s post right here.)

2. The “Pasta” That Inspired My New Favourite Thing

Kath’s 7 Special Posts post mentioned that she didn’t know why her carrot tagliatelle hadn’t taken the world by storm yet. Well, in my case, it’s because cooked carrots = ick. BUT: it gave me the idea to do the same thing with zucchini… tonight, post-gym, I served it in tomato sauce with mushrooms, fresh basil and some goat cheese over a scrambled egg. Not pretty, but SO, SO, SO good. There you have it, Kath: LEGACY.

(image courtesy of Kath @ My Funny Little Life’s post right here.)

3. The Burgers That Made Me Realise I Really, Really, Really Love Lentils

And now I can’t stop eating them in all sortsa ways. Even in cookies.

(image couretsy of Sabrina @ RhodeyGirlTests’ post right here.)

4. The Dessert That Became A Minor Obsession and Weekly Fixture

OK, this one I can’t show you ’cause it’s copyrighted on the site… but click here for the glory. Really. And below is my own reproduction of my beloved peanut butter cup, served on my beloved vanilla yogurt cheese.

(image courtesy of my intense nostalgia for the familiar foods of home…)

5. The Lasagna That Led to My Go-To Quinoa Mix

I’m not really in a position to be buying stuff right now. My possessions are in storage, and I’m abroad. I bought a Kindle so I wouldn’t want to buy books. But I really, really want this book—even if I *am* non-conformist and this is definitely popular right now. I’ve made that decision based solely on this:

(image couresty of none other than Sarah @ Peas and Thank You right here).

6. The Cookies That Made Me Think I Can Learn to Be Sugar Free, Except Macarons

These beauties are “Banana-Sweetened Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies”—refined sugar-free, (potentially) gluten-free, and tasty. I modified them lots when I made them (dropped the nuts, added dried apricot, added a little butter, added ground flax and psyllium fibres), but they stand as a really good idea for people like me who want treats, but don’t want to commit to the insulin spike.

(image courtesy of Carrie @ Carrie on Vegan’s post right here).

7. A Life Without Soup is a Life Half-Lived: Natasha’s Borscht

Honestly, I’m doing something wrong. I will eat things, and write about things, and show pictures of things… and crickets ensue. It’s even—hilariously—happened that I talk about some food lots, and then suddenly it appears on a blog I read (who reads me), from this GENIUS idea they JUST GOT from a big, popular blog, and I just laugh. It makes me feel like I could be Tyler Durden, intersplicing dirty words into my blog just to see if anyone’s paying attention.

This isn’t even my recipe, but this was my post—Borscht for people who don’t like beets, you could call it. It’s vegan. but more than that, it’s FREAKING AWESOME. I can’t believe everyone isn’t eating this for dinner. And breakfast. And everything in between. I thank dinner at Natasha’s house last August for this little beauty, and you should, too. (The recipe is right here).

So those are my seven. Because I’m an Historian, I always have to go to the source—and now you have it! These are the sources of some of my most frequent flyers, even if each flight follows a slightly different trajectory…

I think this game has been done to death, or I’d tag others, too. Come back tomorrow for more Paulista happenings!