Once upon a time, a very impatient girl lived in Calgary. One day, it was -25 outside, yet she wanted to bake right now. She didn’t have any butter at room temperature, but room temperature was a touch too chilly, anyway. So she put a stick of butter on the radiator vent and went to call her mum. 5 minutes later, she returned to pick up her softened butter, only to find that all that remained was a hollow, perfectly formed rectangle of tin foil: the butter had melted and run down the heating duct.

Now, this girl isn’t *dumb*, per se, though she sure fakes it brilliantly sometimes. That was one of those times. Her apartment smelled like a movie theatre for weeks…

Fast forward about 4 years. This may or may not be the same girl who melted her coffeemaker by forgetting to put water in it.

Fast forward about 10 weeks. This girl may or may not have a serious problem with melting.

I—because, yes, I’m THE moron here—therefore find myself admitting that, oops, I did it again… I decided to whip up pasta for dinner, and there my troubles began. I don’t usually feel like pasta, so I’ve been sitting on these pretty babies for months… they’re gluten-free veggie noodles (made with semolina, veggies and love!).

I remembered an old recipe for healthier fettuccine alfredo I’d once tried, which is made with Greek yogurt instead of cream… but I got to thinking about what I really felt like, and that was more of a rosé sauce. With more protein and veg… and lo, this  baby was born.

Where my melting problem comes into this is, I boiled my pasta on the back burner and set it aside. Then, I promptly forgot that I had just cranked up the back burner to lava-temp (because I don’t like that element all that much and rarely use it), and went to prep the spinach for the pasta sauce. Can you guess where I’m going with this? I put the spinach container *on* the back burner… and only when I heard a peculiar sizzling did I figure out what I’d done and yank it off. It already looked like this, though:

Why open your spinach from the top, when you can melt a hole in the bottom for easier access? In fact, let’s look at that again, from the side this time:

Awesome.

So I just cut away the melty part, threw it away, and barely lost any spinach in the process. Win!

Or… was it? The offending element, after:

Dang-nabbit.

Yet, as a good foodie, I decided not to let this deter me from my much-awaited meal… so it is with a heavy heart that I now admit that, in spite of my “can-do” attitude, I found my meal a bit… underwhelming. Probably should have used more garlic, or nutmeg or a sharper cheese…

Mind you, I found it very agreeable later on when it was cold, as is my way. Is that weird?

Veggie Pasta with Rosé Sauce and Bison Würst

(developed from Rocco’s Fettuccine Alfredo, found here)

You need:

• veggie pasta (enough for 3 servings, or six side dishes)
• 1 Tbsp butter
• 6 cloves of garlic (or more!), chopped
• 2 tsp cornstarch (or 1/2 tsp guar gum)
• 1 tsp nutmeg (or more!)
• 3/4 cup broth
• 3/4 cup grated cheese (I used an asiago and Jarlsberg blend… something sharper is prob better)
• 3/4 cup Greek yogurt
• 2 cups canned tomatoes, drained (I used diced, but crushed would have been better)
• 3 cups fresh spinach
• 2 cooked bison sausages (or otherwise), sliced at 1/4 inch thickness
• salt & pepper, to taste

You will:

• Prepare your pasta as per the package; rinse and set aside.
• In a large skillet over medium heat, melt the butter; add the chopped garlic and sauté until softened and browning, about 5 minutes.
• Meanwhile, combine the broth, nutmeg and thickener (cornstarch or guar gum) in a bowl; stir well.

• Add the broth mixture to the pan, and keep stirring until the sauce thickens up. Add half of the cheese and cook until it’s all melted.
• Add the tomatoes, and keep stirring to bring the sauce to a good heat. When it’s nicely warmed through, remove from the heat and stir in the Greek yogurt; return it to the heat and stir a bit longer if it drops too much in temperature.

• Stir in the spinach until it wilts.

• Add the pasta and sausage to the skillet and mix.

• Serve garnished with the remaining grated cheese and a nice Sav blanc.

At least the cheese’s melting was intended…

Are you a burner, a melter, a flooder, a wrecker, an under-done-er, or some other kind of kitchen disaster, more often than you’d like to admit?