Man! Time flies when you’re keepin’ on, eh? (image source)
As I got wrapped up in my deadline, then my cold last week, the work I got behind in as a result, and then my day-o’-catering, I knew this post would be at least a day late—I started “5 Weeks to Fine” on a Friday, so it should have ended on a Friday.
And then I did a little simple math, which often manages to confound me in spite of the fact that in 1996, little S began her university career as a Math major at McGill University. Oh, how things have changed. 
The simple math revealed that what I thought was the end of 5 weeks was actually the end of 6 weeks. May I chalk it up to daylight savings? Yeah, that sounded lame to me, too. Besides: it’s “Spring forward, Fall back“…
Better late than never, here’s my 5WtF round-up!
I would certainly have to own to not being an overly religious person. I mean no offence to anyone who is, of course, to each, his or her own belief. But after a few less-than-positive brushes with religiosity in high school, I broke from conventional ideas of religion. I also like to believe in myself, so I subscribe to what I would call ‘my own perspective on the universe and the powers that be’.
And I would have to say, in wrapping up 5 Weeks to Fine, that I cannot possibly explain the change any other way than to acknowledge that the powers that be / energy of the universe had to have been involved in this one, because *boy*, are things different.
If pressed, I would admit that the best year of my life was the last of my PhD, when I was 29 / 30. I loved turning 30 (even if my best friend’s sister was a selfish cow and therefore I was deprived of my best friend on that particular day, which hurt my feelings *so* much 
), and I felt like I was full of hope for the future and excitement that I would finally start to live, after so many years of putting that off for school. (image source)
Since that year, things have gone from just ungreat to epically tragic, to “I don’t know how I’ll get through today” to “I’m unhappy. I don’t want to be”. So, peaks and valleys.
I haven’t been genuinely *happy* since 2007.
And now I am. I am not satisfied by work, or by my “life” because of where I have to live for work… and that has been a source of serious malaise. I have often asked myself the question, and PLEASE ANSWER THIS IN THE COMMENTS IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS:
“If you’re not living, if you’re not having meaningful connections with people around you, is that a life?”
To me, the answer is “no”. And as long as I’ve been in the Hinterlands, I’ve been confronted with the “no life” situation daily…
I’m still aware that this isn’t the life I want, and yet… I’m happy anyway?
It’s what I started meditating on at the beginning—being happy—and here’s how I actually do it, in case you’re wondering:
After getting ready for bed, I put ear plugs in so that no ambient noise distracts me. I sleep with ear plugs, anyway, so it’s just another prep step, really. I sit at the foot of my bed, so my back is supported, and I’m comfortably cross-legged. I set the timer for 5 (or 10) minutes, and I close my eyes. I turn off the overhead light in the room, sometimes with a reading light on and sometimes the glow of my laptop (bad habit, but, whatever).
I repeat the mantra over and over. In the beginning, it was something about being happy, but the cadence was wrong so I gave it up. I don’t even remember what it was. Now, I repeat something that I like the rhythm of… which is the same mantra I used to use when I first started meditating.
I had, at that time, seen Roméo Dallaire give a talk at my university. He said something, and I know he’s not the first to have said it, but it stayed with me, and I love the man, even if I don’t agree with all of his ideas. In a talk about humanitarianism, he said “All men are human, but some are more human than others.” Yeah, he’d know.
My mantra became, “some are more human than others“, except in my mind it goes more like “SOME are more HUman than OTHers.” 3 beats. And those three beats are my focus.
I repeat the mantra, and listen to it, or I listen to my breathing, and my mind wanders. When I notice it’s wandering, I bring it back to the mantra, and I just try to have a peaceful time, focusing on the 3 beats, until my timer goes and it’s over.
That’s all there is to it. So simple, and it has made me SO HAPPY. There *has* to be a connection, all other things being equal…
I posted on the proven health benefits of meditation before. If I were to pick and choose from the list, it sounds like this has been, for me, all about this point: “It increases serotonin production which influences mood and behaviour. Low levels of serotonin are associated with depression, obesity, insomnia and headaches.” My old nutritionist said that my cravings sounded like I was a bit low on serotonin (the fact that I craved sweet in the morning) and I’ve sure flirted with the effects it listed… So along with being more relaxed and less anxious, this all seems like it points to happiness for me.
A few days ago, Jasmine at Eat, Move, Write posted on the Law of Attraction and The Secret. I don’t believe that I can make things happen by thinking about them (oh, I’ve tried! 
) but I do think there’s a funny way that things come back to you based on the energy you put out into the universe.
Some, like my closest Catholic friend, tell me, “that’s basically prayer, right?”
And I say “no, man, it’s about positive energy.” Still got that knee-jerk reaction, it seems…
Case in point: my social boredom in the Hinterlands? I’ve received more invitations for things in the last 2 weeks than I usually get in a year here. In fairness, I don’t really put myself out there so it’s partly my own fault, but that hasn’t changed, and yet… wow. Look at that! I think people gravitate towards and seek out people who make them feel good, and now that I’m Happy-Go-Lucky (PS: love that film!), maybe that’s me?
Case in point #2: You know how I’ve been agonising between a camera and a trip to NZ? Well… just to make things interesting, Friday I got an email from a very reputable university press offering to pay me very well to do a little writing on my field of expertise, and then sit on an advisory board, thereafter. Me? Really?? BOO. YA! And that stipend sounds like it’ll tip the scales: final decision on NZ to follow Monday am! (I’m setting this deadline more for me than the blogosphere, but I’ll let you know, too.)
So how would I sum this all up? Well, only to say this: I don’t know what effect meditation has had on me, exactly, but there’s absolutely NOTHING bad that’s resulted. In fact, if *all* it was was 5 minutes a day I had to myself, I’d still be sold on it. Since it’s 5 minutes, and lately more like 10 minutes, when I might be giving myself some extra serotonin, making myself happy and, by extent, maybe making things that I want come to me… I’d have to say that, if I don’t find 30 minutes for the gym every day, you can SURE bet that I’ll keep on finding 5 or 10 minutes to meditate.
Be well and be happy! 
I’m off to bake a birthday cake!
October 24th, 2010 at 14:37
Hm, your question is simple and tricky at the same time: Of course it isn’t a life when you aren’t living! But how do you define “living”? Having something that enjoys you and makes you happy every day? Being connected with people? Feeling like your life had a meaning, regardless of how little it may appear to be? Or just knowing that you’re not dead yet (physiologically)?
I loved to read about your meditation experiences. At the beginning of this year, I’ve started practicing mindfulness meditation, and this made a major change in my mind. I don’t use a mantra (but I love yours, it’s so true, and so beautifully said), I just focus on my breath, but nevertheless it helps me to calm down and feel light and connected with everything. I’ve experienced serenity for the first time as long as I can remember.
It was very relieving to read you enjoyed (at least some of) your PhD time. I want to do my PhD, but I’m a little afraid it just means working myself to death. Did you make your PhD in maths as well?
Where do you want to live, btw, if not in the Canadian Hinterlands?
October 24th, 2010 at 18:55
I really do think that meditation can be effective in bringing calmness and serenity into your daily life, especially if you have trouble experiencing it. Whether I think that meditating bring positive things to you, as in the Secret, I don’t quite think so. I think you just notice and appreciate them more.
October 24th, 2010 at 19:29
@ Samantha Angela: I couldn’t notice and appreciate something that wasn’t *there* before! Like I said, I’ve been getting offers. Actual offers. Invitations to be a part of things—these are acquaintances with whom I’ve had dealings and contact for years, and NOW they’re seeking me out.
Of course, be as skeptical as you want, but answer me this: given the choice, do you want to surround yourself with happy, positive people, or Debbie Downers? When talking about interpersonal reactions, people *are* attracted to what’s bright and shiny. Only in Twilight does morose and dark seem preferable.
The connection I’m making is that meditation has made me *happy*. Happy brings others in—they want to be part of the happy. So people aren’t coming to me *because* I’m meditating, but because I offer them meaningful contact with caring and compassion. When you’re sad, you can’t always do that because you’re a bit focused on what’s eating at you.
October 24th, 2010 at 19:34
@ Kath: I know it’s tricky. And “living” is definitely going to be defined differently by all people… my “living” is about meaning—meaning at work, meaning in my own daily experiences, but mostly meaning in terms of interpersonal contact. Because while a relationship can’t be everything for you, a life without meaningful relationships seems awfully empty to me.
As for the PhD: tread carefully. Honestly, it’s time you just don’t get back, and idealism can be really tough when you see how many PhDs there are, and (in the humanities) how many jobs don’t exist.
I wish I’d done things differently, to be very honest, though I enjoyed the ride when it was happening!
Where to live: good Q! I’m open to a lot of possibilities, but I’d like to stay in Western Canada. Victoria or Vancouver would be the very best, but I’ll wait and see what I can do next year.
October 24th, 2010 at 21:16
I would have to agree with you and also say no. It made me think of how I define a meaningful life. It would have to be the relationships I have, the things I do for me that make me happy. I definitely know there are days when I look around and feel I should be doing more with my life, but for the most part, I think I have it pretty good.
October 24th, 2010 at 21:24
@ Kristen: I knew I liked you.
October 25th, 2010 at 11:24
You really make me want to try meditation. A close relative of mine used to do it for years but I was too young then to understand when she told me about it.
I’d also say no. It’s quite hard to define what makes a meaningful life and while I could not live without my relationships (people I love) I do think that people can also be happy by themselves. I’ve learned that first you have to make yourself happy before you can make others happy and being happy with myself comes from being comfortable on being on my own and loving myself enough to appreciate myself. I think it’s an endless journey to learn to love yourself and then others but it’s for sure not boring. I think that (also) makes life meaningful.
To sum it up, I think everyone builds their own lives in the way the want to and we are responsible of our own happiness. Positive thinking will get everyone pretty far!
And hey, I wouldn’t be me if I would not ask that what kind of cake did you bake?
October 25th, 2010 at 12:42
I love that you comment all the comments, btw. I always come back to check you comment comments.
October 25th, 2010 at 13:04
@ Anne: What’s interesting to me is that, I was happy *enough* before, and I’m really OK with being on my own… but things really just clicked, and I think that that energy is something I couldn’t fake! Not that I’d want to, but before, I’d say to myself: “OK, be positive, be happy”, and now, I just *am* and I don’t have to talk myself into it. Yay!
The cake that I baked was a flourless chocolate cake: the birthday girl wanted “chocolate and sweet”, and that fulfilled it. My pics are such garbage right now… but I’ll post on it later. Thanks for your comment!
@ Kath:
October 25th, 2010 at 14:14
What a wonderfully reflective post – thankyou so much for sharing your insights with us
October 25th, 2010 at 17:21
Interestingly enough, ever since Clara has been born we have become more dedicated to a Christian Community Church whose slogan is “It’s ALL about relationships” and I personally think that is one of the main reasons that attracted me to this community of people.
I want to define my life as a mom, a spouse, a friend, a daughter, a sister, etc. I want to wake up in the morning and have my priorities in check and take the time and energy with my loved ones before rushing here and there and everywhere. When people ask me what do I do, I don’t want my instinct to be “a college teacher” – I want it to be a mom. You know? My job shouldn’t define WHO I am.
I definitely believe that we become who we associate with. I see my attitude and thoughts turn negative when I hang around “the water cooler” too much – I see such a change in my attitude since I stopped watching TV and listening to the radio and hanging around people who are caught up in the past and forget to plan their future. It is certain min my mind that you have become more attractive the more happier you have become. Congrats.